Here is a similar question for you.  If you never call your mother except in the fall, and then only to check on family plans for Thanksgiving and Christmas, do you have to sit at the kids table for the meal?  Frankly, there was a time in my life when I didn’t treat my mother very well.  I don’t want to go into the details because I am ashamed of my behavior back then, but the fact is that regardless of how much I took my mother for granted, I was always welcome at home and aside from the occasional bit of sarcasm, I was always treated well at home.

Why would the Church be any different?  In the Anglican Communion we have even codified the way that occasional members are treated.  In order to be considered “in good standing” a member only has to receive communion three times in a year and has to have given financially only once.  Often that turns out to be Christmas, Easter, and Mother’s Day.  There are those who claim that those standards are far too low.  But, the other side of that is that we are in the forgiveness business.  Much like our mothers are.

There may be some churches that deny members the right to receive communion if they haven’t met some standard of behavior.  The Catholic Church used to say that you couldn’t receive communion if you haven’t made a confession recently.  Ours has standards too, but the bar is pretty low.  To deny someone communion is called excommunication and that’s a pretty big deal.  In our church it is within the priest’s power to excommunicate members but it seldom arises as a real disciplinary act. 

The Book of Common Prayer says: If the Priest knows that a person who is living a notoriously evil life intends to come to Communion, the Priest shall privately instruct that person not to come to the Lord’s Table until he or she has given clear proof of repentance and amendment of life. The Priest shall follow the same procedure with those who have done wrong to their neighbors and are a scandal to the other members of the Congregation, not allowing such persons to receive Communion until they have made restitution for the wrong they have done.

When the Priest sees that there is enmity between members of the Congregation, the Priest shall speak privately to each of them, telling them that they may not receive Communion until they have forgiven each other. And if the person or persons on one side truly forgive the others and desire and promise to make up for their faults, but those on the other side refuse to forgive, the Priest shall allow those who are penitent to come to Communion, but not those who are obstinate.

In all such cases, the Priest is required to notify the Bishop as soon as possible (within fourteen days at the most) giving the reasons for refusing Communion.

I have been a priest for 25 years and have never used this tool that the church has made available to me.  I suppose in order to remove someone from the communion of the church would require some very serious infraction.  I can’t imagine how bad a son I would have had to be for my mom to deny me either Thanksgiving or Christmas dinner, but it would have to be more serious than I am willing to imagine.  In either case, I am imagining the conversation that the Bishop and I would have about it and this is one conversation that I want to avoid if at all possible. 

I am sure that some people take delight in exercising authority over others, but Jesus taught us that this is not the way that we do things in the Church.  We serve each other.  We love each other.  We forgive each other.  We are family to each other.  And we gather around the Thanksgiving table and praise the God who loves us into His kingdom.